Going through a few problems…

Going through a few problems…

Going through a few problems…

I’ve been going through a few problems lately…

As you may know, I stay here in Delhi. DN and I spend 99% of our time together.

Since his family doesn’t approve of me yet, I can’t come home with him, so when he leaves for home for a holiday or wedding event, I’m here all alone.
I don’t go out alone much.
In DN’s family, and according to his values, men play a large part in protecting the women in the family. On the instances that I have been out alone, it was both terrifying and kind of refreshing at the same time.
Nothing had so far happened to make me feel like I was not safe… until last week.

While walking around at the weekly market, I became a victim of sexual assault. I wasn’t alone though, I was with DN, who was also physically assaulted.
The result was: We were shocked, neither of us knew how to react in the moment. So we headed home. We talked about it extensively, and we now have a better understanding of what to do in case this happens again.

This experience increased the stress at home, and both of our worries about my safety.

Between that and the cold weather, rain and busy work schedule, I’ve been out of the apartment for a total of one hour this week, and it’s really getting to me.
I guess a lot of things are getting to me right now. I don’t feel motivated to work, I don’t feel motivated to cook, and some days I just don’t feel motivated to get out of bed.

We also had plans to go to Manali for Christmas, but there was a fluctuation in my pay again. I’ve been pretty emotional about being stuck inside, and I had hoped to at least witness some snow this Christmas. I wanted Christmas to be special, since I had to be alone for Navratri and Diwali. It’s a bit depressing… But ultimately, I’m glad to I’ll get to have DN in my company for my holidays.

I’m thankful DN is so patient and loving. Some days I know I’m difficult to understand and deal with.

6 Comments

  • Cindy

    I’m glad you and DN. Have a plan for your safety and I’m glad you’re okay. As far as winter “blues” and lack of fresh air and sunshine, I know how those can have a negative effect. Daily sunshine or vitamin D3 supplements are a must. I hope you’re drinking lots of water and even if it’s just the roof, I hope you’re getting outside. We miss you and can’t wait until you get your little Christmas package. xoxox ~ Mom

  • Deb H

    So sorry to hear about what happened to you & DN. Glad you both have talked about how to keep it from happening again. Agree with your Mom, at least get out on the roof to get fresh air. Hold on to each other & your love for each other will get you through this low time. Love you.

  • Andrea

    That is terrible what happened to you! Nothing really very very serious happened to me when I lived in Delhi, thank goodness, but the things that do happen, it’s good to be able to talk about it, to get it out and most importantly remember it isn’t your fault and no one should ever treat you like it is. Please take care of yourself, pamper yourself, and keep the courage to live this wonderful life you have chosen. Let me know if you want to chat; you know where to find me on facebook and email.

    • Rani

      Thank you Andrea ♥
      I didn’t expect it. Well, who expects it, I suppose.
      I’ve always had such a nice experience, until that. I guess it served to heighten my awareness and forced me to come up with a plan of action.

      I know it’s sad, but as per cultural conditioning, I even wondered if what I was wearing was part of the equation. I never dress provocatively, so that’s not what I mean. I was wondering if my clothes made me a target of some sort, like, maybe it was obvious I was a foreigner. I wondered that for awhile, but the fact is, I was wearing my Salwar Suit and wrapped up in a Kashmiri style shawl. Which tells me this guy probably did that to a lot of girls, all the same.
      The only thing I felt ashamed of, is not being able to react quickly and appropriately. If I did, maybe I would have saved some other girls from being victims.

      Anyway, thank you, I’d love to talk more.

  • rohit

    As an Indian feeling shame….you should go to the police station and subbmit your complain

    • Rani

      We know what to do if it happens again. And if I see him again, I’ll capture his picture and go from there. I know now what I should have done, but it was a bit of a shock for me at the time of the incident. Thank you for your concern, but don’t feel shame.

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