I’ve been going through a few problems lately…
As you may know, I stay here in Delhi. DN and I spend 99% of our time together.
Since his family doesn’t approve of me yet, I can’t come home with him, so when he leaves for home for a holiday or wedding event, I’m here all alone.
I don’t go out alone much.
In DN’s family, and according to his values, men play a large part in protecting the women in the family. On the instances that I have been out alone, it was both terrifying and kind of refreshing at the same time.
Nothing had so far happened to make me feel like I was not safe… until last week.
While walking around at the weekly market, I became a victim of sexual assault. I wasn’t alone though, I was with DN, who was also physically assaulted.
The result was: We were shocked, neither of us knew how to react in the moment. So we headed home. We talked about it extensively, and we now have a better understanding of what to do in case this happens again.
This experience increased the stress at home, and both of our worries about my safety.
Between that and the cold weather, rain and busy work schedule, I’ve been out of the apartment for a total of one hour this week, and it’s really getting to me.
I guess a lot of things are getting to me right now. I don’t feel motivated to work, I don’t feel motivated to cook, and some days I just don’t feel motivated to get out of bed.
We also had plans to go to Manali for Christmas, but there was a fluctuation in my pay again. I’ve been pretty emotional about being stuck inside, and I had hoped to at least witness some snow this Christmas. I wanted Christmas to be special, since I had to be alone for Navratri and Diwali. It’s a bit depressing… But ultimately, I’m glad to I’ll get to have DN in my company for my holidays.
I’m thankful DN is so patient and loving. Some days I know I’m difficult to understand and deal with.